The Sound of Silence
by xxocluvurxx
Summary: When Sandy Cohen meets Dawn Atwood in jail it changes his life. Now he and his family must help her four year old son Ryan through all of his obvious issues. AU mentions of child abuse
1. Chapter 1

Chapter One

Sandy's P.O.V.

I sighed heavily while checking my watch for the fourth time in the last ten minutes. I was sitting in the visitor area at the women's jail in Fresno, California waiting for the gaurds to bring out the inmate. I had to beg the guard to let me see the woman being as it was so late and visitation ended hours ago. It had been a very long day for me starting at five o-clock that morning when my rambunctious four year old son had decided that he was tired of sleeping and since he was up we had to be up too. Thinking about my son put a tired smile on my face he's so much like me that it's almost unbelievable.

Sighing again I started flipping through the womans case file I had already read it before I came over here but I was looking for anything to keep me occupied so I wouldn't stare at my watch. I didn't want to be here in this dingy place when I could be at home with my wife and son curled up on the couch eating takeout and watching a movie. It was people like this woman that kind of made me hate this job. Been in and out of jails since she was eighteen juvy before that for a wide variety of different crimes. This latest one was for possesion of cocaine,marijuana, and herione and prostitution. She was only twenty-five years old and had a file so thick that it was almost heavy. She had a son that would now be seven or eight years old that was taken away when he was an infant because he was severely neglected. The file said that when they found him he was ten months old and weighed barely over ten pounds.

It makes me sick at my stomach to think about that poor baby and what he went through and how he must have been treated. I sighed again hoping that I could be nice to this woman after all that she has done. Finally I heard the door open and saw the guard bring her out. She looked a mess with her hair all matted to her forehead from sweat either from the heat in that place or a sign of withdrawl. Her makeup that had probably been just tacky before looked downright terrible. She walked in standing tall and proud like she was okay with all that she had done like she felt no remorse. Yeah I really disliked this woman the more I looked at her she had a smug smile that I would have just loved to slap off her face. I would never raise my hand to a woman but this woman just rubbed me the wrong way.

"Mrs. Atwood I'm Sandy Cohen from the public defenders office. I will be taking over your case." I said in the most controlled voice that I could muster to this terrible woman. She looked at me rolled her eyes then sat down and lit a cigarette. "Okay then let's just get started. Um I see here that you have been in jail before and right now from where I'm sitting you are looking at five to ten years in prison. I can try to make a deal and get it reduced but you are still going to do time in federal prison." I said in what I hoped was a voice that did not say all the things I really wanted to. For the first time since she walked in here the woman actually looked kind of scared of what she was facing. "Good," I thought to myself.

She looked like she had something to say but I started talking again explaining all the particulars in her case and when the court date was. Finally I was done and I stood up to leave. "I'll see you on the twenty-third Mrs. Atwood," I said while walking away. I was almost to the door when a voice stopped me. "Sir what about my son?" She asked in a voice so low that I could barely make out what she had said. I turned to look at her and said, "I'm sorry ma'm but there is nothing I can do about your son. He's probably been adopted by now." Then she said the words that changed my life forever. "No not him my other son, Ryan."


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: I don't own anything and am making no profit off of this fanfiction.

A/N: Thank you to all of you who have replied to this story. I am glad that ya'll are enjoying it. I have had this idea floating around in my head for a while so I decided to go ahead and start it. I'm not sure how often I will be able to update but I will try to do it at least two times a week. Also I am not the best at punctuation I can spell great but I have bad puncuation so I'm sorry. Now onto the next chapter..

Chapter 2

**Ryan's P.O.V.**

When I woke up that morning the first thoughts that came to mind was that I was hungry, thirsty, and my whole body ached. Unfortunately I woke up often with those same thoughts on my mind when Dawn was strung out. She had insisted since as far back as I can remember that I was to call her Dawn and not mom which was perfectly okay with me seeing how that woman was the farthest thing from a mom that you can get.

When I was younger I can remember her being relatively normal but the older I got the worse off she got until she was barely recognizable as the mother I once knew. Later, she was either gone all the time or passed out cold leaving me to take care of myself. That's somewhat depressing to think about even still so I try not to think about it too much. The second thought that came to mind was that the house (if you could call it that) was completely silent. I figured that Dawn and her flavor of the week were gone so it was probably safe to get out of bed.

I got out of the bed trying to make no noise just incase my ears had decieved me and they were there. I tiptoed to my door and while I was walking I saw my reflection in the mirror and sighed. I was hoping to be able to go over to the nice neighbor lady's house and see if she would give me a sandwich or something but one look at myself I realized that it was not going to happen. I looked really bad. My right eye was completely black and kind of swollen and my cheeks had handprints on them. I sighed again and remembered the fight that caused the bruises that I sported.

Dawn had come in drunk or high again and as soon as I saw her face I knew that I shouldn't have waited up for her. "What the hell are you doing up you little bastard? You know never to be up when I get home because I might have company. What would they think if they came in and saw you, huh?" she yelled before she took even one step inside of the house. I stayed silent and stared at the floor knowing that if I even looked at her it would be ten times worse. She finally came inside still yelling things like "should have had that abortion" and "just like your scumbag father." I just continued to stare at the floor and braced myself for the blows that I knew were coming and sure enough a few seconds later they came. I sat there silently not giving her the satisfaction of hearing me scream. I learned a long time ago that if I screamed then the beating would just last longer. The only evidence of my pain was the silent tears that ran down my face. When it was finally over and she had worn herself out she started stumbling to her room. "I hate you Ryan and I wish you would have never been born," she said in a voice I recognized as being completely truthful.

I sometimes called myself the unloved child. There was noone in my life at that point who loved me. The nice neighbor lady was very sweet but I knew she didn't love me even though she would say she did she just felt sorry for me. She knew even if she didn't see bruises how horrible my life was but she never said a word to anyone about it that is how I knew she didn't really care. She would just give me something to eat maybe let me take a bath on the days our water was shut off then send me back to that hell hole she calls my house. I think she just let me take a bath because I smelled pretty bad and she couldn't stand the smell because she tried not to get too close to me on the days our water was shut off.

I finally stopped staring at myself in the mirror and walked the last few steps to my door. The house that we lived in was very old and it had creaky floors and the doors creaked loudly when opened. I closed my eyes took a deep breath and held it while slowly cracking the door open just enough for me to see out of. It made no noise so I peeked out the crack and let out my breath when I saw that noone was home. I opened my door all the way and walked slowly still tiptoeing because it had become routine. I got into the bathroom and took off the shirt that I had slept in and stood in front of the full mirror. I surveyed the rest of my body to see what other kinds of bruises I had and counted them out.

Fourty-nine bruises front and back some older than others. I was so sick of living this life that sometimes I, like my mother, wished I had never been born. I in reality just wished that I had a mother like the kind on T.V. that loved their kids and fed them three times a day and made sure they were clean. I relieved myself then went to the sink to wash my hands and brush my teeth but when I turned on the tap no water came out. 'Well that's just wonderful the water is shut off again,' I thought to myself harshly. I was thirsty and we had nothing but water before and now that was gone. I walked out of the bathroom and went straight to the kitchen and into the refrigirator just in the off chance that Dawn had a lucid moment and decided to buy some food and maybe some milk. No such luck. I really don't know why I expected any different but every morning I would check the fridge and every morning I would be dissapointed.

I double checked everywhere to make sure that I had not missed something when I had last ate but I didn't and we had nothing to eat or drink. It must have been a couple of days since I last ate and it was the night before since I had something to drink. The only thing that we had in the house to drink were bottles of liquor of all varieties. I had once made the mistake of drinking out of one of those bottles when I was a little younger and I made sure after that I never touched another one of those bottles. It was terrible, it burned my mouth and tasted awful and I promptly spit it out all over the place. I never understood how my mother drank that stuff and actually seemed to like it.

I shrugged my shoulders dejectedly and went about my normal routine of putting on semi-clean clothes and sitting on the couch and watching T.V. hoping that it would take my mind off of the hunger or hoping that Dawn would walk in the door with some groceries. I was always dissapointed because it never worked.


	3. Author's Note

This is just an authors note another update will probably come sometime this week but I just wanted to clear a few things up. I realize that I should have mentioned some things before I posted Ryan's chapter. I know that Ryan sounds a lot older than four and I should have explained this before and now I feel kind of dumb. This story is in the past tense being told by the people later in life from their perspective. So if Ryan sounds older than four it is because when he is telling the story he's way older than four. I have a hard time writing children and making them sound like their age so I just figured that when I posted this I should do it this way. Also for those of you were wondering about the water being shut off and the power still being on the water bill did not get paid but the electric bill had not come to the point of getting shut off yet. I really hope that my stupidity did not confuse all of you so much that you don't want to read. I appreciate all who are reading and everyone who sent reviews they mean a lot to me.


	4. Chapter 3

Disclaimer: I don't own anything and I am making no profit off of this fanfiction.

Authors Note: There will be a drive from Fresno to Chino in this chapter and I can't seem to find anywhere that will tell me how long it will take so we are going to pretend that it's too far of a drive. I apologize in advance if it's a long drive. .

Chapter 3

Sandy's P.O.V.

I stared at that despicable excuse for a human being for what seemed like a lifetime my mind going a mile a minute. When I pulled myself together some I started hurling questions so fast that if someone else had been there they would have thought I was a loon. After I was all out of questions and I had calmed down a fraction I looked at the woman. She was sitting in the chair and had a look on her face like she had just been handed the best gift in the world.

The truth of my situation hit me like a train fast and hard and made me sick at my stomach. She did not mention that she had another child because she cared an ounce for him she just thought that it would give her the upper hand. She was using her own child as a bargaining chip out of hell or prison in this situation. I had to get out of there before I lost it completely. I could not be stuck in this room with her because at that moment I could not trust myself. The only things that I knew for sure was that I needed to find this kid and that I was not going to negociate with this woman because this just cemented the fact that she deserved every minute that she spent in prison. I cleared my throat loudly and in the most uncaring voice I could muster, I said, "I don't believe I am the right lawyer for your case Mrs. Atwood I will be sure to pass your case on to another lawyer in my department. I hope you get everything you deserve." I then turned back around and continued on to the door.

"What about my son don't you want to know where he is?" she asked desperately realizing that her tactic had not worked. "You obviously don't care about him at all so why should I?" I said walking out the door and finally getting away from that awful woman. When I was outside of that place I ran to my car getting on my car phone to call anyone I could to find out about this child. I did not doubt that there was another child because the world seems an unfair and unjust place. Women like her who do not deserve the children are the ones who have them and women like his wife for example who are excellent mothers and deserve to have all the children that they can handle can't have any. The reason that he disliked Mrs. Atwood the most before he had even spoke to the woman was because his wife Kirsten could not have anymore children. The doctor said that since she had such a hard time with Seth when he was born that trying to have another baby would be a form of suicide. Kirsten (and him too but he tried not to mention it) desperatley wanted to have another child but she could not and it was so unfair that women who didn't want children had them.

I called everyone I knew that I would think could find me any information at all on how to find where this woman lived. I finally got someone who could help me and he promised to call me back with all the information he could find on her and her son. The wait was torture and made me wish I still smoked so that I would have something to do with myself. I considered driving to the store and buying a pack and some mouthwash so that Kirsten wouldn't find out but my hands were shaking too bad and I was too pissed off to drive anywhere. I ran my hands through my hair and I know I must have looked crazy to anyone who passed by but I couldn't muster enough strength to care.

During the wait, I wondered about this child. Was he okay? Was he hurt? Who was watching him if anyone at all? How old was he? These are all thoughts that I can remember thinking there were many more but those are the ones I was most concerned about mainly the fist two. I had already figured that if the child was at home then he was probably alone because this woman had a history of leaving small children unattended. When they found her ten month old son she was not at home leaving a defenseless baby all by himself. He hit the sterring wheel hard then started kicking the door to his car because he could not do what he really wanted and run back inside to kick the sh*t out of this woman. Finally after what seemed like hours of waiting his phone finally rang and he picked it up on the fist ring. As soon as his friend started talking he started the car and drove away from that place and that evil woman. He told him the address of the place that they lived and how to get there then he started asking questions all of which I ignored. I thanked him and told him that I would explain as soon as I could then hung up the phone.

The drive to Chino seemed to take a lifetime even though it was only about thirty minutes away. I finally got to Chino and found the house that they lived in. It looked abandoned definately did not look as if a young child lived there. I sat in the car for a few minutes to calm myself it would not be good for me to see the child this upset. From what I saw of Dawn Atwoood this child will be supremely messed up and will not trust me at all and his first impression of me should not be an angry me. I had drove for thirty minutes and had not once thought about how to handle this situation and what to do. I looked at my watch and realized it was almost eight o'clock on a Friday social services was closed and there was noone to back me up. I called around to some people I knew to see if there was anyone who could get in touch with someone from social services and had no luck at all. Well obviously there was nothing I could do but just take the child with me so I resolved that issue. The only issue that remained was to get into the place. I would just go up and knock on the door but if he were alone there was no way he would answer the door and I had pretty much figured out that the kid was alone.

All the lights were out in the house and I wondered breifly if they even had electricity but then I saw a flicker and realized that the T.V. was on. I also realized that I was wasting precious time and that this child might be in dire need of medical attention. I got out of my car and started making my way to the rundown house when a voice stopped me. "Can I help you sir? Mrs. Dawn is not here at the moment and I would really like it if you would leave now. We do not need the likes of you here in our neighborhood we have told her to keep her johns out of this neighborhood. This neighborhood is bad enough without whore mongers running the streets." an ederly lady said in a harsh voice. I cleared my voice and tried not to sound too offended at the assumption that I was a john of Mrs. Atwood, "Oh no ma'm I'm not looking for Mrs. Atwood. I'm Sandy Cohen and I was appointed Mrs. Atwoods attorney see she got herself in a little bit of trouble. I am actually looking for her son Ryan. Do you know if he's here or is he at a babysitters?" "Oh Ryan that poor sweet little child never heard him speak a word but he's just the sweetest little thing. Life really dealt him a bad hand when he got that woman for a mother. Babysitter hah don't make me laugh that woman leaves that poor boy by himself sometimes for days at a time. He can't be no more than four years old and he's left to his own devices such a sad little boy you can tell in his eyes. I considered calling social services but I have seen the type of trash that woman hangs with and I'm too old to try to fight off those thugs. They would kill me deader than a door nail before I even knew what hit me I tell ya." I tried not to laugh at the woman's description. We Cohen's have the worst habit of laughing in the worst situations. "Yes ma'm I understand so I'm assuming he's home. You wouldn't happen to have a key to the house or anything would you?" I asked in a voice that I hoped didn't sound like laughter. She looked at me suspiciously and said, "Why should I trust that you are who you say you are? You could be one of those thugs that i just described who she screwed over and you may want to hurt the sweet little boy. I'll need some proof before I let you into that house sir."

I walked the few feet until I was in her yard with my hands where she could see them. "Trust me ma'm I am not thug just a lawyer trying to help the kid out. I'm going to go for my wallet ma'm and I'll show you the proof you need okay. I don't have a gun or anything just my wallet." Then I went for my wallet and took out my driver's license and my business card and handed it to the lady. She scrutinized the picture and the card then looked me over then looked back at them comparing them. "Okay sir I do not have a key to the house but she keeps a spare underneath the flowerpot at the door. I'm Kathy Low it's very nice to meet you Mr. Cohen. If it's not too much to ask could I come in with you. That poor boy don't trust anyone at all and he will be terrified if you just come waltzing in best I come with you. I would also like to say goodbye to the little angel and apologize for not doing better by him. I would have called had I not been so scared for my life you understand. I'm a very old woman and I have children and grandchildren of my own who need me. It breaks my heart that I could not do more for him I did the best I could by him but I'm sure that he don't see it that way." she said in a sad voice and my heart went out to her. This poor woman really had done the best she could I understood completely her reasoning but I could see it really did break her heart.

We started walking towards the house in a comfortable silence when we got to the door she turned, looked at me, and said in a polite voice like she was just inquiring about the time or the weather, "Mr Cohen, what do you plan to do with him once you have him. I see no other people with you and I can't imagine that social services will be open this late." "Oh I really hadn't thought about it ma'm I just talked to Mrs. Atwood and she said he was here and I really didn't think I just kind of drove. I knew I had to help him I couldn't just leave him here all weekend by himself so I haven't really thought about it. My wife and I, Kirsten have a four year old Seth and so I figured I would just take him with me until Monday. It is the best solution that I can come up with. My wife she's a good mother and I would like to say I am a good father and we have a spare bedroom in our house . We'll take good care of him. I'm going to see what kind of condition he is in and probably have my sons pediatrican see if he can make a house call tomorrow." I flashed the woman a small smile trying my best to win her over she could make this situation a lot more difficult if she wanted to. "Well you say you have a son you must have pictures." she said in a voice that said that she wasn't totally convinced so I pulled out my wallet again and showed her the family portrait taken a couple of months ago. "That's my wife Kirsten and my son Seth hamming it up for the camera he tries to act like he hates pictures but really he loves the attention. Not satisfied until you have taken at least four shots because he didn't smile right or didn't show enough of his teeth 'cause they are pearly white daddy' he tells me." I laugh lightly at the thought of my son he was just the cutest little thing in the world to me. "He is adorable I love the curly hair and those dimples are just enough to make you want to swoon. He'll be a real heartbreaker that one all he has to do is flash one of his dimples at a girl and they will just melt like butter. That Ryan though he is not one to scoff at he's adorable short for his age but that is because he's probably severely malnourished. Big baby blue eyes and sandy blonde hair and when he does grace you with his smile it lights up his whole face and you can picture a life for him that doesn't involve drugs and beatings. You do right by him Mr. Cohen he deserves the world and he should get it and I know that you are saying you are just going to give him to social services on Monday. I think you believe that you will but once you have that child you better not give him up to noone. You are a good man and when you talked of that child of yours your whole face lit up like he was your entire world. Ryan needs a family like that and I want you to give it to him it will not be easy but in the end it will be worth it. He has all the potential to be a successful person but to do that he needs to get as far away from Dawn and Chino as possible. I have seen this place turn good little boys into thugs and drug heads and I don't want that life for Ryan. Ryan is special and he deserves everything that this life has to offer and I think you can offer him the wealth advantages plus the love. I can see that you are very wealthy that wife of yours must have a really good job because I know that you aren't making the big bucks." she is looking for an explanation I can tell. "Yes ma'm my wife works for the Newport Group her dad actually owns it. Since she works for her dad she gets away with coming to the office whenever she wants but mostly she works from home so that she can be with our son. Her mother convinced her father that she could do the work from home because Seth needed someone to take care of him and a nanny was absolutely not going to be taking care of their grandchild. He gripes about it but it's mostly just to irritate me he knows that Kirsten wouldn't be happy if she had to put in long hours and never see her child. She spends all days with him except for Tuesdays and Thursdays when he goes to preschool she goes into the office while he's in school and her mother picks him up and watches him until we get off." I took a deep breath and glanced at the woman I knew that she assumed that we probably had a nanny look after our child and no way would she let me off with that child if we weren't even raising our own. She really did care about him but like she said she's an old woman and had already done the raising of her kids didn't need another running around.

"Okay Mr. Cohen I got more out of you that I could have ever dreamed of getting for that sweet boy so remember what I said don't let him go. He deserves your family and take the best care of him that you possibly can. I wish I could have took him in but all I could do was give him some food and a bath and send him back to hell. I knew everytime he left that I was sending him straight back to hell and I would just cry everytime I saw him leave he just looked so rejected. I love that little boy like I love my own grandchildren but I don't have the patience of the money to take care of a child. Ryan will need a lot of special attention a lot of therapy and I just can't afford that kind of thing but you can. Like I said he doesn't say anything at all so you'll have to take time with him. He is very bright when he comes over I give him a book to read while I'm making him food and I can tell he can actually read somewhat. I know that he can talk he just does not trust people enough to talk to them. It will be hard but I know that you can handle it. So lets go in Mr. Cohen we have been standing here talking like there isn't more pressing matters at hand." She went over to the flowerpot and got the key and opened the door to my new life.


	5. Chapter 4

Disclaimer: I do not own anything and I am making no profit from this fanfiction.

Author's Note: Sorry it took me so long to get this chapter out I have been very busy then when I do have the time I can't seem to get any inspiration. Thank you for waiting so long and I hope you enjoy and thank you to all of you who are reading this especially the ones who have reviewed like I said they make my day.

Chapter 4

**Ryan's P.O.V.**

I hated the nighttimes when Dawn was out and the house was completely still and silent. The darkness that night seemed more frightening than I could ever remember it being. I had a gut feeling that something big was going to happen and it was making me very uneasy. I knew that despite my need for sleep that it was not going to come to me that night. My eyes were getting heavy and I could barely keep them open but I could not sleep because everytime I got near the sleep that I so desperately needed I would have the most horrific images dance across my vision and I would wake up scared and totally alone. I even wished that Dawn was here so that I would have the comfort of knowing that at least someone was there not that she would protect me but I still longed for her to be there. I find it strange how the one person who had royally screwed me over in this life was the one person I wished to comfort me when scared or hurt. Despite all that she had done she was still my mother and I needed her.

I was laying on the couch watching the television without really processing what was going on. I tried to focus on it but my constant hunger and thirst plus my uneasiness were making it very difficult. Normally, the tv was my escape from reality and my break from my inner turmoil but tonight it just was not going to cut it. I had been on this couch in front of the television all day and really was not planning on moving from it until Dawn decided to drag in. Usually, when I heard Dawn's footsteps coming up the driveway I made a mad dash to my room so she wouldn't find out that I had been there. She usually drug in late then I would go sit in my room until the first dusting of sunrise was coming across the sky then I would finally let my tired eyes drift closed and sleep. I had terrible nightmares not like normal kids with monsters but real things that had happened to me playing before my eyes like a horror film and I would wake up in a cold sweat tears streaming down my face wondering when they would stop if ever. It was more comforting to wake up in the sun than wake up in the dead of night still silent and completely dark.

I sat up when I heard footsteps outside ready to make a run for it she was early and I was caught off guard. The footsteps stopped on the porch and I could vaguely hear two voices talking outside the door and neither sounded like Dawn one was slightly familiar he just couldn't put his finger on who it was the other was a deep male voice that didn't sound like anyone from around here. Everyone in Chino sounded tired worn down never like this man who sounded upbeat positive and happy. I strained my ears to hear the convorsation but it was no use all I could hear was their voices I couldn't make out any of the words they must have been trying to be quiet. I couldn't understand why people would be just standing outside my house talking and it was making me nervous. I knew Dawn kept a key under a flowerpot outside and it really didn't take a genius to figure out where that key was hidden and if they were after robbing the place then they would find the key. I sat frozen to my spot on the couch too scared to move or even breathe too loudly.

I heard the flowerpot being moved and the key being inserted into the lock and I jumped into action. I jumped off the couch the sudden movement to my body was like sticking a knife into my back it took my breath away and brought tears to my eyes but I kept moving praying that I would be quick enough. I ran quietly to the closet and didn't want to alert anyone to my presence in the house so I huddled up in the corner covering myself with the covers that Dawn stored in there. I had always wondered why we had so many blankets and as I got older and learned more about addiction I realized that it was for when Dawn withdrawling from whatever drugs she was on.

What seemed like forever to my young mind which in reality was only a couple of seconds I heard them enter the house. "Ryan sweetie, where are you? I brought someone who wants to meet you dear why don't you come out okay." I now realized that it was Mrs. Low from next door and I started to come out from my hiding spot when I realized that it could be a trick so I stayed where I was. I heard them moving around checking rooms to see where I was. "Honey why don't you come out and see me. I'll get you something to eat and something to drink and Mr. Cohen is going to take you somewhere real nice okay just come on out. Please Ry you don't have to be scared sweetie you just need to come out and everything will be okay." My stomach grumbled at the thought of getting some food and my overdry mouth was watering just thinking about it. The man spoke up in a strong confident voice but at the same time soothing. "Ryan my name is Sandy Cohen I am a lawyer and your mom had to go away for a little while so she asked me to pick you up."

The man kept talking in the same confident yet soothing voice that was strangely comforting even though I had never met this man before in my life. His words bounced around in my head not really sticking. Dawn was gone. That was the only thought that seemed to really stick was that Dawn was gone. Part of me was rejoicing the fact that she was gone and part of me wanted to curl deeper into the covers, that now felt more like they were suffocating me rather than comforting me, and cry or die. My mother had finally took off on me. I had always wondered when she was gone for days at a time if she was ever going to come back and this time she really wasn't going to. Who was going to take care of me now? Never in my life had I felt more alone and rejected than I did at that very moment.

As tears streamed out of my eyes I let out a whimper then started sobbing. I didn't want them to find me I didn't want anyone to see me like this but I couldn't help it. I had always known that it was going to happen sooner or later when Dawn would get tired of having me around. How could anyone be really prepared to hear that their own mother the person in the world who was supposed to love them the most hated the fact that they even existed so much that they left them without even a goodbye. At that point my body was wracked with sobs so much that I couldn't see through the tears and I could barely brethe. The more tears I cried the better I felt it was like four years of anger frustration and sadness all coming out and I couldn't stop if my life depended on it.

My head told me that it was for the best that Dawn was gone and was probably never going to come back but my heart was shattered into pieces and I had no idea if I would ever be able to piece it back together. I felt someone pick me up out of the closet out of the suffocating blankets out of my safe haven that I had created in that tiny little closet. If it were any other day I would have freaked out with the contact but at that very moment I was too emotionally and physically exhausted that I just laid my head down on the shoulder that whoever picked me up provided and cried. Whoever picked me up sat down on the uncomfortable couch and just rocked me back and forth all the while whispering reassurances in my ear. I realized that it was Mr. Cohen who had picked me up and despite the fact that I did not know if this man was going to hurt me later or use this against me I let him comfort me.

I laid my head against his chest and clung to him like I was afraid that he was going to disappear like I was afraid that everyone was going to disappear and I would be the only person left on this earth. I don't know how long he sat there with me just rocking me but it seemed like forever but also seemed like it was not enough time. Finally the tears stopped and I felt a lot better the situation still sucked but I was ready to do what I needed to do and take care of myself. I had only myself to rely on and now it was time to cut off all my emotions and go into survival mode. I tried to get out of Mr. Cohen's lap but he held me tight and would not let me down. "Ryan it's okay buddy it will all be okay now. You're going to come with me and we will take care of you. You aren't alone in this we will be there for every breakdown, tantrum, and steps forward. We will never leave you okay never I promise. Look at me son." I looked up at him and when he saw my face he seemed held me tighter and said, "Never."

For the first time in my life I felt myself trusting someone with all I could. I was a screwed up emotionally scarred child and if this man was willing to take a chance on me I should be willing to take a chance on him. It was not going to be easy and there was a long road ahead of us but I looked up at him and felt myself nodding completely trusting this man with my future my entire life and I felt lighter than I had in years. I felt all the burdens that I had been carrying around not completely disappear but get lighter so that it wasn't weighing me down. "Okay Ryan how 'bout we go to the hospital and get you checked out then go home okay?" Home.


End file.
